Company Jingles
Jingles for analytics companies. Yes, this is a real niche. Yes, I own it.
Analytics companies have feelings too, and sometimes those feelings need a hook. Somewhere along the way, writing parody songs about analytics people escalated into writing original theme music for analytics companies, and I regret nothing.
Every jingle on this page comes in two cuts. First the original demo, recorded the way jingles have always been born: one guy, one mic, and total conviction. Then the polished version, dressed up and ready for the client. Play them back to back. The glow-up is part of the craft.
The Jingles
Press play, compare the takes, pick a favorite. The collection grows as clients keep having excellent ideas.
Ascenda
ascenda.comThe global rewards network. Their platform wrangles listings, feeds and inventory across marketplaces, which is conveniently exactly what the chorus is about.
Lyrics
If you want to break into the marketplace
Life can be a pain
With every platform a little different
It’s sure to drive you insane
But there’s one system that can put you at ease
The one that never fails
It gives you all the tools you need
To hit the market and scale
[Chorus]
Ascenda, Ascenda
Will optimize your feeds
Ascenda, Ascenda
Manage your content with ease
[Verse]
It’s a sort of tool for your inventory
A home for your listings
Ascenda, the only tool you need
Clarity
clarity.microsoft.comThe Microsoft Clarity anthem: twenty seconds of overdriven guitar for the session replay tool that shows you what users actually do. When your partner is named Clarity, the chorus writes itself.
Lyrics
Just a moment of clarity
Talkin what’s on my mind
Just a moment of clarity
What all will I find
Amplitude
amplitude.comThe breakup anthem. Amplitude’s campaign premise was that legacy analytics is like a bad relationship: inaccessible, expensive, and it does not care about your needs. Time to break up. So I wrote them songs about leaving. The first direction came in two takes, and then a completely different song won the job.
Lyrics (first direction)
I just broke up with my bad analytics
Ooh
I just broke up with my bad analytics
Ooh
I needed something new
And then found you
[Verse 2]
I couldn’t find what I was looking for
Nothing was in the right place anymore
I didn’t know where I could turn
I couldn’t even see the lights on the wall
But yeah now I’m here now I’m there yeah yeah
Ooh
I just broke up with my bad analytics
Ooh
Convert.com
convert.comThe official Convert jingle, because A/B testing platforms deserve bangers as much as anyone. A song about hypotheses, variations, and waiting to see who wins, which is to say a song about hope.
Lyrics
We’re testing
See what we’re moving because we are testing
See what we’re moving because we are testing
[Verse]
Got a variation I think is the bomb
Gonna go right over to convert.com
Feeling really good but I gotta wait and see
Who’s gonna win it, is it A or B?
Set up an experiment and add a new version
Now I gotta split and get a conversion
Got a hypothesis and now we wait
But I’m pretty sure that it’s gonna go great
[Chorus]
We’re testing
See what we’re moving because we are testing
On convert.com
CRO Benchmark
crobenchmark.comOmniconvert’s benchmarking tool for e-commerce stores. The song takes one look at your PDPs, your value adds and your purchase funnel, then prescribes itself as the cure, which is honestly solid marketing.
Lyrics
Take a look at your e-commerce store
Don’t know what you’re doing anymore
You need a C R O
Benchmark
You need a C R O
Benchmark
Your PDPs are missing stuff
Your value adds are not enough
You need a C R O
Benchmark
You need a C R O
Benchmark
Sign up for the tool and try something new
It’s a one-stop-shop that’ll tell you what to do
Your purchase funnel is so weak
And the outcome doesn’t need to be so bleak
You need a C R O
Benchmark
You need a C R O
Benchmark
You need a C R O
Benchmark
You need a C R O
Benchmark
Want your analytics tool to get stuck in people’s heads? You know where to find me.
Commission a jingleContact Josh